Club flag - kidnapped!

Wednesday, 21st June 2006

The Club Secretary has just received an alarming letter. With many people requesting the use of the flag for their summer vacations as well as demands that it be on show for all England World Cup matches the Secretary was struggling to find the flag for the Club's members - only to realise it has been flagnapped!

The letter stated the following:

"Due to your inability to remember anything after four pints of beer I have been 'flagnapped'. The persons responsible that have tied me up and made me wear this silly outfit (above) have promised that they will overwrite me with the cross of St Andrew if the ransom is not paid."

Signed: Georgie

PAY UP OR THE FLAG BURNS IN HELL!

FADS (Flagnappers Against Drunken Secretaries)

Our demands are that you leave a full jug of beer at the end of the bar on Friday evening at 9.30pm and make a public apology.

In his defence the Secretary insists that an hereditary problem means that he does occasionally forget some items after a period of time (perhaps co-inciding with his round) but the outrageous demand of having to leave a full jug of beer at the end of the bar is taking ransom demands to the limit.

As on all occasions such as these the police have been informed and a professional negotiator will contact those reponsible to try and secure a safe return of the Club flag but more importantly to try and haggle this full jug of beer down to sensible demands - perhaps one pint with a couple of straws will suffice.

With the flag having travelled Down Under three times, crossed the Atlantic as well as having seen some real dives in Europe it is disappointing to think that we have people in our midst who have gained membership to the best football club in Luton with the sole intention of causing distress to one of the finest, upstanding pillars of the community, the Secretary, by robbing him of the flag whilst perhaps he was under the influence - no doubt doing his duty on the Club's behalf.

Ode to a forgetful Secretary - anonymous

The flag, oh dear, where has it gone?
I've been trying to remember for oh so long.
I've looked everywhere and still it I can't find,
Am I really going out of my mind!

My memory loss is 'cos I'm getting old
I can't remember a thing I've been told
Will it get worse, I live in fear
Surely I've bought a round this year.

It's years since I bought a drink on a Friday night
Everyone a the Club thinks that I'm just tight
But this illness I've got - it's just not funny
I just can't help forgettng my money,

There must be something I can do to put things right
Perhaps bring the whereabouts of the flag to light
It's no good no matter had much I try
I'll never remember 'til the day I die.